Musings on Black Love as Self-Love

In celebration of April as National Poetry Month, I went through the exercise of identifying and framing, for my desk, three quotes from up and coming African descended women poets: Alexandra Elle, Upile Chisala and Cleo Wade. 

Claim it. All of it. Release what no longer serves you. Journey forward. Be unanswered. Be unapologetic. Love yourself anyway. Be you, love you. All ways, always.

Alexandra Elle

Here you are, Black and Woman and in love with yourself. You are terrifying. They are terrified (as they should be).

Upile Chisala

When you love yourself, you don’t even have to think about how to be yourself—it just happens.

Cleo Wade

I am drawn to these three quotes and decided to frame them because they serve as fantastic daily reminders on how to be honest and kind to yourself.  I deeply feel the need to surround myself with affirmations that say I am loved and worthy of love even if the global society does not value the humanity of people who share similar characteristics and experiences as me. This is part of my intentional process of exercising self-compassion.

I also believe the millennial spirit of these three poets’ work reflect the fire, passion and diversity of perspective and experiences of their generation—regardless of where they grew up– the U.S. or on the continent of Africa. The stories they each tell and the words they use are poignant,  “in your face” direct and, at the same time, are graceful and healing.  Their stories are nuanced in ways that particularly edifies the experiences of women of color, particularly the African descended, in a positive light—and that is what I appreciate the most.  When their poems talk about love, I translate their meanings to be:

Black love as self-love.

Audre Lorde once said, “self-love is about caring for oneself; it should not be considered an act of self-indulgence, [rather] it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Indeed, her words are daring especially when the mainstream still relies on an antebellum belief that African descendants “are a debased race unable to care for themselves”—a claim famously purported by the notorious Dr. Sam Cartwright in 1851 to justify the enslavement, oppression and subjugation of African descendants in the Americas.

Publicly exclaiming, “yes, I am an African descended woman and I matter!” is not only a proclamation that rejects hegemonic forces focused on demonstrating otherwise, but also is just as radical of a statement to make today as it was when Audre Lorde talked about self-care back in 1988! 

Understanding the importance of self-care as part of Black love, too, is critical when African descended women often experience disproportionately higher rates of chronic health conditions, including heart disease, breast and cervical cancers, and mental heath conditions, such as depression, PTSD and stress from the “-isms” (i.e, racism, sexism/heterosexism). 

Regardless of social class, education level and geographic location, African descended women do not consistently receive equitable and equivalent treatment options by health care providers in comparison to their white patient counterparts –according to Centers of Disease Control and Prevention and researchers from the National Cancer Institute and the US Department of Health and Human Services’ Office of Minority Health.  Differences in medical treatment, including for mental health, can significantly contribute to racial disparities in outcomes for women of color. These outcomes, too, have endemic consequences on families and communities as a whole since women of color are often perceived and take on the role as the pillars.

Considering these realities, I feel it is imperative to take action—to love oneself—otherwise, we will perish.

To talk about Black love and self-love in this way requires a reframing of concepts “love, self and community.” For me, this means knowing when to say “yes” to yourself and “no” to others and exercising that choice without apprehension or guilt.  It is about defying expectations—even those your “skin-folk” may impose upon you.  It is about operating in ways that enable you to “show up” in the world, take up space, be seen and celebrated. It is also about building and strengthening community, and supporting wellness for those who need it.

Strategies for celebrating Black love as self-love can vary from person to person.  For some, it may include taking long walks, meditation, establishing a dedicated yoga practice or journaling in solitude; for others, it may include engaging in social activism and community wellness.  For me, it also includes reading—bell hook’s All About Love, Nafissa Thompson-Spires’ Heads of Colored People, Camonghne Felix’s Build Yourself a Boat, or poems by James Baldwin, Ntozake Shange and Sonia Sanchez—recording Tuesdays Tea: A Podcast, and writing this blog.

At the end of the day, regardless of strategies and activities you choose to employ, the most important thing you can do for yourself is to carve out the time and space to love you. You deserve it.

In an upcoming episode of Tuesdays Tea: A Podcast, we contend with this topic of Black love as self-love with guest Dr. Natasha Gordon-Chipembere—book author and contributing writer for the Tico Times and other media outlets such as Essence Magazine, professor, and founder of Tengo Sed Writers Retreat in Costa Rica—and discuss the hurdles and personal strategies for engaging in Black love as self love.

Tune in, ‘cause it’s all love, baby!